Unfortunately, some people may go through an entire relationship without having the trust or confidence to share their intimate desires. Too often people hold themselves back, and to an extent their lovers, from realizing their deepest desires. One of the most prevalent and prominent ‘kinks’ in any relationship, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, is that of the dominant-submissive partnership.
These types of relationships are becoming more present in popular culture as couples have begun to express the benefits and fulfillment that they have found from these partnerships. Though often reserved for special occasions or scheduled meetings, couples are also finding ways to express this power dynamic in less erotic settings and make the relationship more than just a bedroom activity, but a part of their everyday life.
Many couples enjoy a life of opposites, where the more domineering of the two of you has the tables turned on them when you enter your bedroom. You may find that your partner desires your dominance, even if your relationship’s existing dynamics would not suggest so. Showing your dominance often presents an opportunity for you to show your partner another side to yourself that has been dormant until now, which would be fulfilling for both of you.
Know Your Roles
If you are going to take the dominant role in a ‘Dom/Sub’ relationship, you have to know not just what your responsibilities are, but also what is expected of your submissive partner. Guidance and authority are parts of your role, and your partner will look to you for instructions that will be accepted as if they are commands. The responsibilities of being a dominant partner are a source for dominance itself. Your submissive partner is relinquishing control of themselves to you, and you must honour the trust that they have in you.
Knowledge is Power
It might surprise you how much research it takes to be a successful dominant. Depending upon what your submissive desires are, you may have to learn a number of new skills and terms. Looking for inspiration in literature and online forums can be a useful tool. The greater your apparent knowledge and forethought, the more effective your dominance will be to your submissive partner. When they give control to you, they feel reassured by your competence and confidence and will perhaps receive a confidence they lack in themselves from your authority.
Get the Right Tools for the Right Job
Though a lot can be achieved without any extra equipment, having ‘tools’ to help you do your work is a sensible option. Searching for sex toys online can be a great way to get inspiration and knowledge, as well as task specific items for you to use with your submissive. Improvisation may provide an extra layer of fun, but safety and comfort should be the main concerns, so make sure you make the effort to find the right equipment. Many products are tailored to this market with their use in mind, so it is much safer, and more comfortable for your subject, to use ropes or ties from a specialist shop rather than a hardware store.
Gentle Progression is Key
Dominance should not be rushed; it is, after all, a reward. You should make your submissive work for your attention and efforts. Giving them too much too soon will only spoil them. Start off slowly and build the trust you need to progress together – that is the recommended approach. Many will want to run into the lifestyle before they have learned to walk and this can lead to problems and misunderstandings later on in the relationship. A good idea is to set goals and targets for your sub to accomplish before their next desires are approached. This reinforces your authority and the concept that they must earn rewards rather than simply be given what they want. Afterall, where is the fun in that?
It’s Not Just for the Bedroom
The Dominant-Submissive relationship is more than just sexual, and offers ways to express itself outside of the bedroom. Many couples experience this, as in public the submissive will appear the dominant and even controlling partner. These public behaviours can act as foreplay to the role-reversal that comes later, when you both share your true natures with one another. There are even terms to describe these patterns such as ‘topping from the bottom’, where a submissive partner may act particularly demanding or domineering in a public or non-sexual setting expecting punishment or correction later. This gives the submissive some control in the relationship, and makes the dynamic more equal, but be careful they don’t overdo it. Many subs simply cannot help themselves and may take their behaviour further than is needed. Be sure to bring your discipline and authority back to the fore if the actions of your submissive require them.
Exploring the dominant and submissive side of your relationship can add a new dimension to both of your lives, and bring an immense and intimate satisfaction to you both. Just sharing a secret side of yourselves can be an erotic thrill of its own. Very soon you may find the anticipation of such experiences almost unbearable, and this will only add to the fulfillment you and your submissive will feel when you finally get to share yourselves with each other.
Safety is incredibly important when experimenting with these types of relationships, as pretty soon a person’s sexual desires will often bring risks with them. Be sure to take every precaution possible and research any new act or equipment thoroughly. Set some rules between yourselves, and establish boundaries and forms of communication. Be sure to learn their body language and what it can tell you about how they are feeling. A part of the reassurance a dominant can offer their submissive is the knowledge that they always have a means to make things stop if they become uncomfortable or overwhelmed, and that they are in safe and competent hands.